Feeling important...

These last few days had been Chinnu's most enjoyable days ( I think). he is surrounded my so many friends and relatives, who are always waiting in queue to hold or cuddle him or to play with him. I think he is enjoying the attention.

In the church, I had to actually wait to get hold of my baby. people who have never talked to me before, give me the widest smile now. I think I am getting popular, thanks to my baby. but the most happiest thing for me is that, even if Chinnu is with someone else and he sees me, he will give me "the smile". it makes my heart melt to know that, I am so important for my baby. once in a while, when he is not happy with the person holding him, I would stretch my arms and ask him to come to me. he would happily do so. at that moment, I cant resist myself from hugging him tightly and kissing him. I am happy that, I am there for Chinnu whenever he needs me.

Sometimes he wakes up, and if he finds no one near him, he would crawl around the bed, and later would start crying. I would go and sleep next to him, hold him close to me and put him to sleep again. its so fulfilling and satisfying to comfort your child. I think all mothers feel this outburst of love. and maybe like me, they cherish these moments.

During all these moments, what come to my mind is a poem. Shibu sent me this poem, when I was pregnant. At that time, the poem was just a poem. but now I know, it means a lot. the poem goes like this.

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day she asked God: They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless? Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.

But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy. Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy.

And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk? Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.

And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you? Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.

I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me? Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.

But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore. Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:

Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name. Your angel's name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy

"Mommy"... I never knew, carrying this title would be such a honor. It has given my life a new meaning.

bro-sis Act I

Chinnu at present is very happy, with his cousins waiting on him all the time. They are my elder Sil’s kids Noal and Niya. And the advantage for me is that they are old enough to take care of chinnu for some time. So I can confidently leave him with them. He is really enjoying being with them. After a long time Chinnu is with someone other than me and Mil. He must tired of seeing our tired faces. But they will go off tomorrow and that's going to make him a little sad. The only consolation us that Shibu will come home by tomorrow evening. My other Sil and kids will come on Christmas day. The after Christmas starts the days of visiting to all the relatives houses. And then eventually go back to Chennai.

In 'Gods own country'

Ahaa !!!!The Christmas tree is up. I think it’s a little small and the decorations are a little too much. But Its nice. Maybe after 3-4 years we may invest on a bigger one. Till then will have to be happy with tis one.

I think Chinnu was not that excited with the tree. Once in a while he would crawl near the table and try to reach for the colorful decorations. He likes it when the lights are on. I am waiting for the days when he would know the importance of Christmas and actively participate in its celebrations. I want to see his happy face when he puts up the decorations with his tiny little hands. ( actually there are so many things I want to see, see him stand, walk, talk, play.. The list goes on)

Feliz Navidad !!!!!!

"Feliz Navidad..." That's Merry Christmas in Spanish...

Our church's Christmas carol group came to our house yesterday night. they were good. The song was also nice and lively. luckily for us, since ours was 3rd house they visited, they were all energetic and active ( instead of the usual sleepy and tired). there was a 'sort of' Santa Claus with them. chinnu was very scared of the Santa. he was clinging tightly to me for his dear life.

only after the carol group left, i realized that Christmas is just round the corner. its chinnu's first Christmas. and i hoped we would celebrate it. but we cant as its not an year since my father in law expired. but it will be fun with all his cousins around him, and he being the center of attraction. this reminds me, that i have not finished packing for the Trip to kerala. we would be leaving tonight. will be there for 3-4 weeks. shibu will try to come next week to join us for Christmas. if i am lucky, i will be able to access Internet there.

Up Up and Oops...Down

Whats my baby up to now?

Mr. Jason is trying very hard to stand up on his tiny little feet. Well, he has not yet sat down properly.( He sways from left to right .) He would first get up on his knees and hands, then lift his hand of the floor, and then get hold of the chair or the bean bag. And with the support of the furniture will try to get up. But he wont put his heel down on the floor. He will stand on his toes. Some one has to be there next to him, as the next minute he will fall down. And then starts screaming and shouting happily, as if he accomplished something really great. Its ok, if he is on the bed, otherwise its scary. Someone has to be with him always.

I think he has got fed up of pulling himself of his stomach. He wants to stand up now and explore . He has already learnt how to push the door open with his legs. He has almost accomplished the task of opening the drawers ( the bottom ones). I think we have start baby proofing our ( owner’s ) house.

The bow-bow has left the building

Chinnu greatest entertainment while I feed him was the bow-bows. But the “Blue Cross” guys took the puppies yesterday. Even though they were real troublesome, it was fun to watch them run around. The best was to see them sleep, literally on top of each other. The only issue was, they peed and dropped their stuff all around the compound. With kids around, it was very
unhygienic. So we called the “Blue Cross”.

Now with the bow bows all gone and very few kakas ( crows), I am having a tough time feeding chinnu his lunch and dinner. He wont sit still even for a second. The food on him and all around him will be far more than what he had. Its fun, if I have the time. But when I have so much of pending work, I really flip my top.

bath time...

Before, i would make Chinnu lie down on a mat, and after giving a slight oil massage, would give him a bath. he would lay still at that time. But now... Its a big task for me to clean him up. he wont stay still. he wants to take the soap in his hand, and when it slips away, he thinks the soap wants to play with him so he will a try again. His next aim will be the bucket or the mug or the wash basin pipe which is visible in the pic. (Rented place, so cant expect a better bathroom.)
And if he gets bored with all that, he wants to touch the loo. i had to take an action.

So now since Chinnu is able to sit down ( with a little support), i make him sit in a small basin (tub sort), and give him a bath. He loves it. The basin is just enough for his small little bottom. So Mobility is very less for him. but even then he will try to get hold of the soap. He likes this change of position a lot. loves splashing the water around. he litrelly starts screaming when i take him out. its fun for him and easy for me too.

on move...

make way, make way...want to do pee pee... where is the toilet????




Chinnu's favorite place, under the table. God knows whats so special there.

More pics...

When I told my father about this blog, he said " whats this? where are Unnikuttan's recent pictures." Unnikutta? that's what my dad calls him. is it even a name? have to talk to him seriously about this. so here are Some more pictures of my dear son.

By the way, while i am writing this blog, chinnu is working hard on a big and important project. he is lying under my chair and try to move the chair by pushing it with his leg. he is trying real hard, but obviously its not possible. and now he is really irritated and screaming. so i turn back and smile at him and do a little peek-a-boo. now he is happy and laughing, and i resume typing. but again my son wants this chair to be moved. no peek-a-boo this time. i am going to get up and change chairs. Can you imagine? he makes me do so much running around.

till now...

Now Chinnu is 10 months and two weeks old. Only two words describe him perfectly. “Naughty” and “ Adorable.” My brave little baby is growing up. And he also learning new stuff. Below is the list of actions which proves my point.

:: if he does not like what I am feeding him, he will spit it out. As simple as that.

:: or else, he will shut his mouth tightly, pressing both the lips together.I will not be able to stuff the food in his mouth however hard I try

:: while drinking water from his sipper, he will start gargling. Even though he doesn’t know what he is doing, he will do it again to hear the sound it makes.

:: with his mouth filled with water, he will spray the person in front of and him and of course himself also. That’s fun for him, and more work for me.

:: he does not like cheap stuff. My son likes to play with the tv remote, cell phones and his favorite ‘the laptop’. Techie huh!!!

:: he also has a favorite Tv serial also. Thats "Swamy Aiyappan". Actually he likes the title song of that serial. My Mil watches it, and he will turn still as a statue as soon he hears that song.

:: he loves newspapers and magazines. Na na.. Not to read but to tear them up. And then taste them ofcourse.

:: if the door is open, then my son has to go outside. He wants to know if the “kaka” and the “ bow bow” (i.e. the crow and the puppy) are doing fine or not.

:: he pays attention and responds ( not to us) but to vendors outside our building who screams “ kayeeeeee.... kireeeee....” on top of their voice. They come one by one every morning to sell varieties of vegies and fruits.

:: he has not yet started sitting without support, but my son wants to stand and if possible walk. He will try to get up on four legs first, and then on his knees and eventually fall down. And then will look at us with the ‘ puppy sad face’. Obviously then someone will pick him up, pat him and sooth him. And then make him laugh by tickling him on his stomach or sides.

:: he does not like to stay in one room, he wants to go to the bed rooms and pull down whatever he can reach for. Or else the kitchen is his best place.

He is so adorable when he does all this things. I just love to watch him. He is always on move. He never stays still. If he is in my arms then he wriggles to be set free. If he on the bed, he will try to jump down. And if he on the floor, no one can stop him. He just loves to go outside the house. So when I have to feed him, I will take him out, talk to him about the kakas and the bow bows, and the food gets swallowed easily. I have started feeding him almost every thing now. Rice, idly, aapam, boiled vegies, fruits and fruit juices. He is not a fussy eater but he needs entertainment. If Shibu is there, then it’s Chinnu's favorite song " nananiyode njaan paadidum...". Thats a malayalam song sung at the chruch. Or else its Shibu's the “so called dance” routine or mimics of the sounds of planes, helicopters and trucks ( and God knows what else) which makes the food go down Chinnu throat easily. Or else it my “ Old Mc Donald had a farm...”. and if nothing works, the kakas and the bow bows are always there.

sixth month onwards

Many babies roll over in their 3rd or 4month. My darling son decided to wait for some more time, and rolled over on 24th July. He was over 5 months by then. I was a little worried for the delay, but then everyone said its nothing to worry about. Then comes the scary part, you cannot leave him on the bed alone. Someone should always be there with him. My Mil would do that for me and I would take care of the kitchen.
After my brave son rolled over, his next mission was to pull himself forward on his stomach and visit all the nooks and corners of the house. First he started slowly by covering the area of the bed. When we realized that he needed more place, we placed a big mat on the floor and let him free. Free he was.... free to go anywhere, and pick up the tiniest dust or dirt which we wont be able to find even with magnifying glasses. By now, he knew how to hold his rattles and toys tightly in his hand and play with it. It was real fun to watch him.
I started weaning for chinnu, starting with cerelac rice and wheat. Would give him vegetable soup also once in a while. That was the first food with salt he had. He seemed to like it. All the liquids were still given in his feeding bottle, while others I spoon fed him. He would reciprocate joyfully when Shibu calls out “Papade chakarakuttan aano?” and when I call him “Chinnu vaave”. ( Which meant “is that papa’s sweetheart? ” and “Chinnu baby” ). So cute na? He knew that we were calling him and talking to him. We took him to church for the first time on 5th Aug ( that is the first time he went after his baptism). He was not at all fussy or troublesome like other kids. He was happy listening to the songs and looking at lights and all. He behaved like a perfect gentleman ;)
Onam (news:http://www.onamfestival.org/what-is-onam.html ) was coming up on 27th Aug, and we planned of giving Chinnu his first solid food on that day. So that day we made some of the traditional onam delicacies. That is rice, parup curry , mor curry, thoran, mazhikupuratty, payasam, papadam etc. Shibu did the honors of giving the first bite to chinnu. He mixed little rice, parup curry, ghee, papadam and salt. Smashed it properly and gave a little to him. The reaction is seen clearly in the pic. In malayalam there is a saying “ Injee thinne kurenge ” which meant “monkey which ate ginger”. Well Chinnu looked like that :). But he started liking it after some time. He looked so sweet trying hard to swallow down the food.
It had me 2-3 months since we had been in chennai, and Chinnu had got fever thrice. So we were very worried. The doc said, that it was just normal viral fever, and there was nothing to worry about. But we had a very hard time seeing him like that. He was very dull and silent. Was not at all active, or eating anything. And my poor baby cried like anything, when we sponged him with cold water to bring down the temperature. Just thinking abt that makes my eyes wet. We were giving him amoxyline as advised by the doc. The fever came down, but he got rashes at his bottom as the side effect of amoxyline. He cried nonstop while passing stool. My baby really suffered a lot at that time. But with Gods grace, it didn’t get serious and the rash vanished off slowing. My baby was fit, fine and healthy again, ready to visit his favorite corners again.

thats the 4th and 5th month

By the time Chinnu was 4-5 months old, he was becoming more and more active and lively. Sometimes, when I and my Mil are talking, and if we don’t look at his direction and talk to him, then after some time, he will start making sounds like “Grrr... what the hell, talk to me” wanting to be the center of attraction. He recognizes me, Shibu and Mil properly, and gives that special smile when he sees us. He feels ticklish and laughs a little when I softly tickle him on his sides. He will try to kick the person sitting next to him, and push his body backwards. He would try a lot to turn on his sides, and while doing so grab the toys within his reach. He would also try to grab his feet and put his toes in his mouth. I loved to see him do that, but it seems ( in our religion ) that if the baby does this, then it’s not good for his father. So we try to stop him whenever we can.

Other than my milk, I also started feeding him ‘ragi porridge and sweet lime juice’. He seemed to like it. Maybe because, since he doesn’t know abt taste, he would guzzle anything I fed him. Poor little chap ( I sampled the ragi porridge and its yuk!!!!)

By mid-July we came to Chennai to live with my hubby. Mil also came with us since there is no one else there to take care of her. Then started the grueling days of cleaning, dusting, scrubbing, keeping things in places along with cooking and taking care of Chinnu. It was too much for me, as Mil was not keeping well. So had to keep running from the kitchen to change Chinnu’s diapers. And in this process burnt lots of stuff which otherwise would have been edible. But everything was slowly getting better. I can say that with confidence cos we started having lunch at 2pm, which otherwise was at 4pm : (

Thats how life is, it goes on. No matter how many ups and downs u have to face.

My baby's 3rd month

By the 3rd month, Chinnu would make sounds, which sounded like he was calling us. he would look at all the bright objects near him. His vision was becoming clearer. If we call him, or make any sound, he would look at that direction. he would smile at us, when we talked to him. I would sit next to him and make sounds with his rattle, and he will happily look at me. He also likes it if we sing to him. Its was really fun.

One more noticeable change I saw in him was , that when he cried he had tears in his eyes. Ohhh.. That made me really sad. By then he had one more habit, he would keep his middle and ring finger in his mouth. Not always, only when he is sad, or hurt, or sleepy or hungry. That means , mostly always. But he look so sweet doing so. And the good news ( for him) was, that he could take his tiny little hands to his sweet little mouth with more accuracy now. He was getting good at it.If I take my hand near him, he would try to get hold of it and try to take it to his mouth. When shibu spoke to him on the phone, he will would concentrate on the words, as if trying to understand the words.

At night, he would sleep properly , waking up only when his nappy is wet. After I change him, I feed him and he will go back to sleep. He would wake up early morning cheerfully, while I’ll still be in ‘la la land’. I am not a morning person. But would wake up for my darling baby.

chinnu's 2nd month

We had not finalized on a name yet. His second and last name is John and Varghese. So I wanted something which would rhyme with John. I picked out Jason and Jeffery. (Jessica would have been the name, if it was girl). Shibu liked the name Jeff, not Jeffery or Jason. I thought ‘Jeff’ sounded incomplete sort. So we argued a little. But we finalized on Jason as that was name Shibu had told my Fil. So our son was named ‘Jason John Varghese’. And I started calling chikku at home. But after some days, that name changed to Chinnu. Chinnu is such a chweet name.

On the 15th of April, chinnu was baptized. We did not have a grand function that time also, as it was just a month after my fil’s death. My parents had come down to kerala. But my sis could not make it. There were few relatives. It was just so-so.

There were not many changes in Chinnu's activities in the second month also. He would mostly be sleeping. By the end of 2nd month, Chinnu started recognizing me, I think. Because he smiled at me once in while, while I fed him. I would so important at that time, cos I am the only one my son knows and recognizes. That is when you really start getting the motherly feeling from within.

I wanted to go back to live with my hubby again, but we had a couple of wedding and engagements to attend to, so we postponed the journey by one month.

My baby's 1st month

So here I was with my lovely son. For the first month, there was not much activities from his side. All he did was cry. Cry if he is hungry or cry if he is sleepy or cry if his nappy is wet. Obviously, what else should I expect. My timetable was according to his. Only when he permits, I could take rest. But this didn’t bother me much, as I had my Mom and one aunt to help me out. At that time, even my mom was not that well. She had breast cancer, and was taking chemos.Her next chemo was that week. And after the chemo, she’s so week, that she cant even get up from the bed, is always feeling like vomiting and doesn’t feel hungry. She was admitted on Sat, took her chemo, and actually she is supposed to stay under observation at the hospital for one more day. But the baby’s thought, and that since it was Sunday, everyone from the church will come to see the baby, she came off on Sunday early morning itself. Many people came with gifts to see the baby. It was nice.

But everything was not going smoothly at my native. In our tradition, the girl has her first delivery at her mothers place. And only after 56 days, she goes back to live with her hubby. But I was not sure that I could wait for that long. Because, my Father-in-law was bed ridden, due to cancer. And he was in a little serious condition. My husband “Shibu,” is the only son in the family. And the only son, having a son was a very important thing. And I knew how much my Father-in-law and Mother-in-law wanted to see the baby. So I even asked Fil, if we should come down before the 56th day. But he wanted me to recover completely and then come.

Even though I knew that Fil was very serious, I was hoping that he will be able to see the baby. But tragedy struck us, and he expired on the 15th of march, 25 days after my baby was born. It was a very sad moment. I and baby went to kerala with my mom for the funeral. Everyone was devastated. It hurts even now to think abt that days event. The only consolation was that at least he was able to see videos of the baby.

The 28th day after the baby is born, we have a small function. On that day, the Godfather or in our case the father of the baby, ties a black thread, and a golden chain around the baby’s waist. We just had a small get-to-gather and finished the ritual.

Some days after the funeral, Shibu went back to work. All relative went back home. It was just me, my baby and Mil. The house was very silent. But we carried on. Shibu tried to come to the native, every other weekend.

That special day.

Let me start with my baby’s birth day. It was at 8.48 am on 19th of Feb 2007, that I heard my baby cry for the first time. That was the sweetest sound I ever heard in my life. I could not stop my tears of joy. I have never been so happy in my life before. I was waiting for the first glimpse of the ‘sweet little thing’ I gave birth to. I thought that the baby would be shown to me immediately. But the doctors thought it was wise for the mother to bear some more pain. i don't remember now how much i cursed them. Then i saw the back of his head. He had nice black hair, just like my husband wanted. Its not that i didn't want my baby to have nice hair, its just that i thought that all babies are born bald. I am happy that my concept was wrong. So, here i was waiting to hold my baby in my arms, and they took the baby to the room. After some minutes (which seemed like hours to me ) they took me to the room. There I saw my baby for the first time. he was wrapped up in a soft white cloth and was sleeping soundly in a cradle. he looked like an angel sleeping on a bed of clouds. i touched him, his skin was smooth like a velvet cloth. it felt like touching a cotton ball. it was such a beautiful moment. Just 2.8 kgs, he was small and tiny. i was scared to hold him in my hands. he was so delicate, that the skin where i touched him turned red. all i did that day was to look at him and blush with happiness. after i stopped crying, i could not stop smiling. I can never stop thanking God for this wonderful gift he gave me. the only thing i missed that day was my husband 'S'. since i was at my mom's place for delivery and he was supposed to come on the due day. but my son decided to surprise us by coming 15 days earlier. luckily 'S' was able to reach on the 3rd day. i could not express in words the happiness i saw on his face. he held the baby close to him, and thanked God. we are a family now, a complete family.

And later that day we went home with our son. we were proud parents of a beautiful little son.

This is how it started

I have been planing to write a diary or journal, after my son Jason was born. But some how it did not work out. There were couple of times when I started off writing abt the progress of him, but then the diary also started to be my expenditure and account keeping book. So that attempt stumbled there itself. Then I started the same on my computer, but every time I logged on, I could not resist myself from playing solitaire or roadrash. By the time I finished couple of games, it was time to change diapers. So there was a full stop to my attempt again. Then, well to tell the truth, I got busy and didn't think much about it, but I made sure that I kept remainders for his next vaccination and doc’s appointment. But a couple of days back I learnt abt blogging. So why not do that. It’s a fun and interesting way to keep a record of how my baby goes through all the milestones. This way my relatives and friends (with whome we rarely get in touch with due to everyone's tight schedule) can also know how my baby is doing.