Hello everybody out there,
Cant type much with one hand... I kind of broke my left elbow. So at present I am at my native with a plastered hand, and it may take more than a month to heal.
when ever possible I surely keep in touch..
please pray for me..
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Where was I ?
WARNING: THIS POST IS LONG AND BORING. IN SHORT ITS ME RANTING AND RANTING
So, where was I for the past two weeks???
I was a total wreck.With MIL in kerala, hubby busy at office from 8am to 9pm and the maid not turning up for almost a week. I was too busy finishing off most of the work while Jason is sleeping, and trying to cook with him at tow, asking me to lift him so that he can see what I am cooking. And myself getting frustrated and irritated and tired and sleepy. And that effected Jason directly. How? I didn’t have the strength to play ball with him, when he wanted to. Was too tired to go out with him. Was too lazy to play blocks with him, so that he was kept busy. Instead, I just used to sink into the bean bag, he on my lap, sucking his fingers and watching TV. I know, I am worthless mother. I just hate myself when I do that.
And on to top it all, I have the worst EGO problem. (Hubby would surely agree with me). My problem here is, I want to show everyone (namely hubby, MIL, SILs and my parents) that I can manage very well without my MIL with us, or if the maid does not turn up. I can do the cleaning, cooking and washing besides taking care of Jason 23 and half hours a day (the remaining half hour he is next door, while I finish off with my bathing etc.)
My poor son, he has been the victim of my anger and irritation. For example, I wont put on the diaper on him at the day time. Why? Not affordable economically and hygienically. Unhygienic cos, in the humid weather diaper will cause more rashes. Well, I am trying to potty train him, so started with making him pee in the toilet. He wont tell me if he wants to, but I take him every 30-45 mins. Once in a while if I miss it, he would pee on the sofa. I end up slapping him on his buttocks. He gives me the puppy face, and if I instantly take him into my arms, he cools down and starts pulling my hair etc, and then just forgets about the pee or the smack he got for me. But if I am really pissed off, I scold him and then he starts crying. Its so heartbreaking to see him cry like that. He would come to me, hug my legs and cry. I sit down with him, hug him and try to shush him. Instead he tries to calm me down, cos by this time I am also crying. He hugs me, with his smooth cheek touching mine, he pats my back with his little fingers. I am so blessed to be his mother, but I am just not a perfect mother. I wish I could do more. Be more patient and creative. Be more concerned about my son, and his well-being. I am all that, but not enough. I want to be the best for my son. I love him. ( I am actually crying now )
Well...by the time things started getting smooth at home, it started to rain cats and dogs in Chennai. Streets flooded, no power for 4 days as transformers were submerged in water, and in turn no water. Cant go out anywhere, kitchen counters were getting empty, the water-can only half filled. We were all worried. Some of the building mates booked themselves in hotels before it was too late. The kids had a hard time, no school, no playground, no TV, cant come out of their house cos of the rain. It was a rough 4 days, with cranky children, crying cats under the staircase, stinking water outside the building, no water in the building, cell phones down, most of the land-lines not working. Phew
But during this downpour, while we were cut out from the outer world with no TV, newspaper or Internet, we were more concerned about what was happening in Mumbai. The terrorist attack...
Is it real? Can 10 people kill hundreds pf people? Yes, if they are loaded with automatic guns and bombs. I don’t know how to write down the grief we felt here. So many people brutally killed. The director of the company where my dad works was in the Taj with his wife for dinner with some foreigners. He was trapped in his room, while his wife was one of the hostages with the terrorists. He never knew what happened to her, until he was rescued. That is when he
saw one of the decomposed bodies was his wife. What was the crime that women did to be killed so cruelly? What about her children? How are they going to cope up with the loss.
What about the Rabbi’s two year old son? He has just started to know his parents. Now he has lost both of them. Wont he be wondering all his life, how his life would have been if his parents were alive? I cried when I saw the picture of the boy clinging to his nanny. What about everyone of them out there who has lost the only earning member of the family? What about the parents who have lost their only child? How will they cope up? Will the money paid by the politicians be enough to cover their grief.
Most of you must have seen the picture of the terrorist who is in the police custody. He is just 21. A age where he should be going to college, riding bikes showing of to girls, doing night-outs during exam time, watching new movies, drinking coke and having fun in the canteen. And instead what did e choose to do? Kill people. Hundreds of them.
I am scared. Everyone is scared. All we can do is pray to God to keep us safe.
So, where was I for the past two weeks???
I was a total wreck.With MIL in kerala, hubby busy at office from 8am to 9pm and the maid not turning up for almost a week. I was too busy finishing off most of the work while Jason is sleeping, and trying to cook with him at tow, asking me to lift him so that he can see what I am cooking. And myself getting frustrated and irritated and tired and sleepy. And that effected Jason directly. How? I didn’t have the strength to play ball with him, when he wanted to. Was too tired to go out with him. Was too lazy to play blocks with him, so that he was kept busy. Instead, I just used to sink into the bean bag, he on my lap, sucking his fingers and watching TV. I know, I am worthless mother. I just hate myself when I do that.
And on to top it all, I have the worst EGO problem. (Hubby would surely agree with me). My problem here is, I want to show everyone (namely hubby, MIL, SILs and my parents) that I can manage very well without my MIL with us, or if the maid does not turn up. I can do the cleaning, cooking and washing besides taking care of Jason 23 and half hours a day (the remaining half hour he is next door, while I finish off with my bathing etc.)
My poor son, he has been the victim of my anger and irritation. For example, I wont put on the diaper on him at the day time. Why? Not affordable economically and hygienically. Unhygienic cos, in the humid weather diaper will cause more rashes. Well, I am trying to potty train him, so started with making him pee in the toilet. He wont tell me if he wants to, but I take him every 30-45 mins. Once in a while if I miss it, he would pee on the sofa. I end up slapping him on his buttocks. He gives me the puppy face, and if I instantly take him into my arms, he cools down and starts pulling my hair etc, and then just forgets about the pee or the smack he got for me. But if I am really pissed off, I scold him and then he starts crying. Its so heartbreaking to see him cry like that. He would come to me, hug my legs and cry. I sit down with him, hug him and try to shush him. Instead he tries to calm me down, cos by this time I am also crying. He hugs me, with his smooth cheek touching mine, he pats my back with his little fingers. I am so blessed to be his mother, but I am just not a perfect mother. I wish I could do more. Be more patient and creative. Be more concerned about my son, and his well-being. I am all that, but not enough. I want to be the best for my son. I love him. ( I am actually crying now )
Well...by the time things started getting smooth at home, it started to rain cats and dogs in Chennai. Streets flooded, no power for 4 days as transformers were submerged in water, and in turn no water. Cant go out anywhere, kitchen counters were getting empty, the water-can only half filled. We were all worried. Some of the building mates booked themselves in hotels before it was too late. The kids had a hard time, no school, no playground, no TV, cant come out of their house cos of the rain. It was a rough 4 days, with cranky children, crying cats under the staircase, stinking water outside the building, no water in the building, cell phones down, most of the land-lines not working. Phew
But during this downpour, while we were cut out from the outer world with no TV, newspaper or Internet, we were more concerned about what was happening in Mumbai. The terrorist attack...
Is it real? Can 10 people kill hundreds pf people? Yes, if they are loaded with automatic guns and bombs. I don’t know how to write down the grief we felt here. So many people brutally killed. The director of the company where my dad works was in the Taj with his wife for dinner with some foreigners. He was trapped in his room, while his wife was one of the hostages with the terrorists. He never knew what happened to her, until he was rescued. That is when he
saw one of the decomposed bodies was his wife. What was the crime that women did to be killed so cruelly? What about her children? How are they going to cope up with the loss.What about the Rabbi’s two year old son? He has just started to know his parents. Now he has lost both of them. Wont he be wondering all his life, how his life would have been if his parents were alive? I cried when I saw the picture of the boy clinging to his nanny. What about everyone of them out there who has lost the only earning member of the family? What about the parents who have lost their only child? How will they cope up? Will the money paid by the politicians be enough to cover their grief.
Most of you must have seen the picture of the terrorist who is in the police custody. He is just 21. A age where he should be going to college, riding bikes showing of to girls, doing night-outs during exam time, watching new movies, drinking coke and having fun in the canteen. And instead what did e choose to do? Kill people. Hundreds of them.
I am scared. Everyone is scared. All we can do is pray to God to keep us safe.
Monday, July 14, 2008
How Safe Is Our Children?
Yesterday at Tammil-Tammil ( a Malayalam talk show), the topic was about the number of sex-racket being unearthed in Kerala.
The recent one about this 14-year old girl. Her mother's first cousin and husband would take her to their house every weed ends to stay with them. It was family, so no one had anything to worry about. They visited each others house often and were in good terms. But no one knew that this Aunt and her husband were forcing this girl to have sex with other men. And no one at her house knew about this. Well one day when her Mom took her to the hospital as she had Jaundice, they tested her HIV Positive. Shocked? I was. That is when the parents knew something was wrong. When asked, she told out the whole story, about how her aunt and uncle forced her into prostitution. The police arrested the couple.
Wish that was the end? A week later the girl dies.
I had goosebumps when I heard it.
Another one in kerala. A man is waiting to be hanged to death. His crime? Raping and killing a 4 month old baby girl, 2 year old girl and a 6 year old girl. What is the f***ing pleasure he got by doing so?
How can people be like this? What do you do with these people? I am so angry at present that if I get hold of them, I would cut them in pieces and feed them to dogs.
Its mostly some one in the family who do stuff like this. And the victims are not just girls, boys are also not safe now.
How can we be sure that our children is safe? What should we do? We cant be following our children like a shadow every minute.There are so many people they are going to meet in their life. We cannot run a police check on all of them... right?
So what to do?
The recent one about this 14-year old girl. Her mother's first cousin and husband would take her to their house every weed ends to stay with them. It was family, so no one had anything to worry about. They visited each others house often and were in good terms. But no one knew that this Aunt and her husband were forcing this girl to have sex with other men. And no one at her house knew about this. Well one day when her Mom took her to the hospital as she had Jaundice, they tested her HIV Positive. Shocked? I was. That is when the parents knew something was wrong. When asked, she told out the whole story, about how her aunt and uncle forced her into prostitution. The police arrested the couple.
Wish that was the end? A week later the girl dies.
I had goosebumps when I heard it.
Another one in kerala. A man is waiting to be hanged to death. His crime? Raping and killing a 4 month old baby girl, 2 year old girl and a 6 year old girl. What is the f***ing pleasure he got by doing so?
How can people be like this? What do you do with these people? I am so angry at present that if I get hold of them, I would cut them in pieces and feed them to dogs.
Its mostly some one in the family who do stuff like this. And the victims are not just girls, boys are also not safe now.
How can we be sure that our children is safe? What should we do? We cant be following our children like a shadow every minute.There are so many people they are going to meet in their life. We cannot run a police check on all of them... right?
So what to do?
Comes under
just stuff,
sad
Monday, July 7, 2008
My System is alive.
After I wrote my previous post , I had expected to get at least 3-4 comments/ consoling words/ words of wisdom/ spats etc. But in the big wild world of bloggers only two humble souls felt like leaving a comment. Thank you Jonny's Mom and Aathira. May be others were very busy or did not want to waste time trying to make someone a little happy or maybe they did not just care.
Anyways, all I wanted to convey was, that it would be very very nice if you could leave just a "hi", or "hello" at the comment box. I would sincerely come and visit your blog, and will surely leave some nice comments. And then you can tell me, if you didn't feel good reading it.
************************************************************************************
So continuing from the previous post,
Hubby is back from Mumbai but very very busy with his projects. But at least he is home.
And my laptop is also working. It said that my system has recovered from some serious problem . But at least its working at present. So what I am going to do is backup all the pictures I have in it.
So will get back soon.
take care :)
Anyways, all I wanted to convey was, that it would be very very nice if you could leave just a "hi", or "hello" at the comment box. I would sincerely come and visit your blog, and will surely leave some nice comments. And then you can tell me, if you didn't feel good reading it.
************************************************************************************
So continuing from the previous post,
Hubby is back from Mumbai but very very busy with his projects. But at least he is home.
And my laptop is also working. It said that my system has recovered from some serious problem . But at least its working at present. So what I am going to do is backup all the pictures I have in it.
So will get back soon.
take care :)
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Blogged-out !!!
Its one of those days, when you get up and feel like crying. Just cry. Why? Don't know...
It maybe because hubby has been in Mumbai for a week now, and will be back only on Saturday.
It maybe because My laptop konked-off yesterday. It showed some blue-screen error. And I know its something serious, as I have a Dell laptop and I worked for Dell. And The worst part is, all of Jason pictures and videos, right from the time he was born is in it. I don't know what I would do, if we wont be able to recover them. It was my fault, I should have taken backups. I just left it pending for some other time. Stupid me, if only I had done it before.Now have to wait for hubby to get back and do something about it. I hope I get the pictures and videos back.
Just the other day, I saw a couple with a 5-6month old baby. And I was missing Jason (when he was of that age). As soon as I was home, I was watching his videos in the laptop.
*sob* *sob*
One more thing which is making me sad and anxious is, that I need a job. A good one and that too near by. So that I can get home if there is an emergency of any sort. With hubby's work place being far, I have to be nearby. God help me..
So... I will be blogged-out for some time, but I will surly come to the Internet cafe in between to check my mails. To see if someone, by chance wants to hire me. Also will will keep in touch with other blogs.
SO while I am gone, please pray for me. Pray that I get Jason's snaps and videos from the sys, pray that I get a job soon...
And please don't forget about me :(
It maybe because hubby has been in Mumbai for a week now, and will be back only on Saturday.
It maybe because My laptop konked-off yesterday. It showed some blue-screen error. And I know its something serious, as I have a Dell laptop and I worked for Dell. And The worst part is, all of Jason pictures and videos, right from the time he was born is in it. I don't know what I would do, if we wont be able to recover them. It was my fault, I should have taken backups. I just left it pending for some other time. Stupid me, if only I had done it before.Now have to wait for hubby to get back and do something about it. I hope I get the pictures and videos back.
Just the other day, I saw a couple with a 5-6month old baby. And I was missing Jason (when he was of that age). As soon as I was home, I was watching his videos in the laptop.
*sob* *sob*
One more thing which is making me sad and anxious is, that I need a job. A good one and that too near by. So that I can get home if there is an emergency of any sort. With hubby's work place being far, I have to be nearby. God help me..
So... I will be blogged-out for some time, but I will surly come to the Internet cafe in between to check my mails. To see if someone, by chance wants to hire me. Also will will keep in touch with other blogs.
SO while I am gone, please pray for me. Pray that I get Jason's snaps and videos from the sys, pray that I get a job soon...
And please don't forget about me :(
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